Real Life Trolling

[Puss in Boots]

We need a thread to share stories about how we have trolled people in real life. Examples:

I thoroughly enjoy trolling my own kids. 2 nights ago I was sitting at the computer in my office while my son was reading in a chair behind me. I turned around to get up and write something on my calendar when I noticed one of our cats going to town on her goods in the doorway to the office.

*troll mode activated*
Me: "Hey Seth, look at Delilah."
Seth: "What? Oh...Ewwww..."
Me: *makes slurping noises in sync with the cat*
Seth: "Stop it, that's disgusting."

The cat started licking her butt then licking her paw, rubbing it on her face.

Me: "That's a grooming method called 'cocoa paw."
Seth: "THAT'S GROSS BE QUIET."
Me: "You know all those times you pick up the cats and kiss their heads and you think it's adorable when they put their paw on your mouth when you pick them up? Yeah...remember this moment. The cocoa paw realization moment."
Seth: "OH GOD I HAVE POOP ON MY FACE!"

Then, last night when I was driving my daughter home from an appointment. She was randomly talking about anything and we passed by a Menards sign...

Claire: "Hey Andy, have you ever been to a Menards?"
Me: "Yes."
Claire: "Oh, cool."
*Silence...troll mode activated*
Me: "Want to know what I hear when someone says 'Menards'?"
Claire: "What?"
Me: "Oww! Mah NARDS!"
Claire: "Oh my gosh Andy you are so weird!"
Me: "You know the 'Ermahgerd' meme on the internet as the messed up way of saying 'OMG'?"
Claire: "Yeah..."
Me: "ERR MAH NAARDSS!!!!"
Claire: "I'm not talking to you anymore!"

[Reverend37]

Hahaha

[Puss in Boots]

No one else has fun troll stories?

[Mr K1tty]

i constantly antagonize my wife... I just do or say the opposite of whatever she's wanting me to do/say so it's hard to think of a specific example...

[gplaydee]

This is troll: http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84

[Mr K1tty]

[attachment=291:they-see-me-trollin_o_862663.jpg]

[Guest]

[quote name='gplaydee' timestamp='1358389057' post='6837']
This is troll: http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84
[/quote]

Awesome site just spent about 30 min cracking up.

[gplaydee]

read the spacious apartment one! so funny.

[color=#000000][font=Arial][size=5][b][background=rgb(204, 204, 204)]
Spacious Studio Apartment[/background][/b][/size][/font][/color][color=#000000][font=Arial][size=2][background=rgb(221, 221, 221)]
Posted at: 2011-02-10 14:39:39[/background][/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Arial][background=rgb(238, 238, 238)][indent=1]Original ad:
Hello. I am a responsible young professional looking to sublet a studio or 1 br apt in or around East village. I am looking to move in on Mar 15. 2000/mo is my budget. Thans [/background][/font][/color][/indent][color=#000000][font=Arial][background=rgb(255, 255, 255)]
[b]From Me to **********@********.org:[/b]

Hey,

I am leaving for London on business and need to sublet my studio apartment immediately. It is a beautiful spacious apartment in the East Village (near Tompkins Square Park). Rent is $1750/month and you can move in as soon as February 25th. Please let me know if you are interested.

Regards,

Mike

[b]From Ari ****** to Me:[/b]

Hi Mike thanks for responding. A few questions: how big is the apt? how long can is the lease til? do you have any pics or a floor plan? I want to move in on mar 15- is that ok?

[b]From Me to Ari ******:[/b]

March 15th is fine with me. The apartment is 370 square feet. I don't have any pictures, but I have included a floor plan to give you an idea of the layout of the apartment. The lease is up in November 2011, but you have the option to renew if you wish. Please let me know if you have any more questions about the apartment.

Mike

Attachments:

[img]http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/floorplan.jpg[/img]

[b]From Ari ****** to Me:[/b]

Mike did you send me the wrong plan or is there really a pool in your apartment.

[b]From Me to Ari ******:[/b]

Oh, yes. I should have mentioned the pool. I had an exercise pool installed in the apartment because I was training for a swimming marathon. It is a really nice pool. It is 39 inches deep with powerful jets and a vinyl liner. The pool is great if you like to swim.

Mike

[b]From Ari ****** to Me:[/b]

Thats a pretty important thing to forget to mention, doncha think?! It takes up the whole f-ing apartment! How is there no bathroom?? Where am I supposed to shower and sleep?

[b]From Me to Ari ******:[/b]

I know, it is a really nice pool. I usually use the kitchen as the bathroom. You can either pee in the sink, or out the window. The window overlooks an alley behind 5th St, and most of the time nobody walks below you. Even if you do piss on someone, you are on the 7th floor so they will probably have no idea where it came from. By the time it hits them, you will most likely be zipped up and have the window shut. The sink has a garbage disposal in case you need to take a dump.

Showering? You don't need to shower - you have a pool! Just go for a swim any time you are trying to wash off.

Sleep? I've got that covered too. I have an extremely comfortable pool raft I sleep on. It is like sleeping on a waterbed! It has a couple of cup holders you can put your phone/keys/beer/whatever in. I'll include this with the apartment for an extra $10.

I am free tomorrow if you want to check the place out and fill out the sublet papers.

Mike

[b]From Ari ****** to Me:[/b]

Hmm well yes that does sound nice, but I am looking for a place where I dont have to shit in my sink and sleep in a goddamn pool. Come on man! Good luck finding someone to rent you'll need it!

[b]From Me to Ari ******:[/b]

You don't have to shit in the sink, it is just an option. You can also shit out the window, or shit in a bucket next to the window and dump it out the window. There is an Indian restaurant that backs up to the alley, so it already smells like shit down there.

At least come over and try my raft before you decide that sleeping in a pool is a bad thing. I'll even throw in a couple of pool noodles for free.

Mike

[b]From Ari ****** to Me:[/b]

Stop trying to sell me your POS apartment, if you can even call it that. You know what makes an apartment an apartment? A bed. Bathroom. Furnature. NOT A FUCKING POOL.

Why am I arguing with you? This is fucking ridiculous. Conversation over.

[b]From Me to Ari ******:[/b]

Why are you so afraid of sleeping in this pool? Be honest, do you not know how to swim? If so, I can give you the number of a good lifeguard I know.

[b]From Ari ****** to Me:[/b]

Shut the hell up. I hope you drown in your pool![/background][/font][/color]

[SylenT]

Sooooooo Me, Reverend and a few buddies ran out of beer last saturday. Decided to go to some hole in the wall bar. Walked about 20 minutes to get there.. some 80 year old lady is bartending.. and theres 2 (im not racist in any way but our hometown is by a reservation and we have alot of issues with them sometimes) native americans.. one guy and his girly. We walk in.. i knew it was gonna be trouble.. Its dead silent in there.. so Rev orders a round and I start to get the music going. Now us 4 were gonna play some pool and this guy makes a fuss about wanting to play too. So sure.. Rev and a buddy of ours plays against him and his girl. Figuring me and our other buddy would be up next I failed to place a quarter on the table. Well this douchebag loses to Rev and goes oh I guess we will play again since all that matters is the quarters on the table.. he takes a quarter and places it on the table and then into the machine. Now I may or may not be a little drunk and pissed off by this:

SylenT: Theres only 6 fucking people in the bar man
Indian: All that matters is the quarters on the table.. you don't get out much do you?
SylenT: whatever play your fucking game

I go buy another round of drinks and ask the lady for 2 dollars in quarters. Mind you its only 1 to play a game at this place.

I proceed to place quarters in every slot on the damn table as hes shooting. Needless to say he didn't think it was that funny.. but I win. Fuck him.

Indian: You're really funny
SylenT: Yea.. all that matters is the quarters on the table right?

AND THE NEXT DAY:

Wake up about noon and drag myself back to Buffalo. On the way i stop at the Reservation to put some gas in the good ol' Jeep. Who's there pumping gas? You guessed it. Mr. Quarters himself. Go figure.. went into the gas station to get a Monster just so I made sure he saw me

TL;DR

[gplaydee]

Boss.

[Puss in Boots]

+1 Internets for "Mr. Quarters."

[SylenT]

Why is there a limit to the number of "positive votes" someone can use per day? lol Can't "like" your comment hahaha

[Reverend37]

Haha MR. Quatas.... By the way when we played last night I was so drunk hahaha. I wanna go find your Large PonyTailed gas pumper today as well.. I'm on E

[gplaydee]

Say no to drugs.

[SylenT]

Drugs are bad mmmmmmmmK

[Puss in Boots]

Back on Monday, my 17 year daughter had a friend over and they were studying together for a final as this week was finals week for the high school. Said friend has made mention to my daughter before that she thinks I'm hot (this is relevant later.) Said friend stays over for dinner. One of the sides were delicious biscuits. I likes me some honey wit mah biscuits! So I'm drizzling honey on it and my 17 year old goes "Wow Andy, honey that biscuit!" and she was giving me a troll face. she did this because my stupid fast quip when the kids are being dumb is "I'll (BLANK) your (BLANK)."

I stopped, looked at her and thought to myself "she wants me to embarrass myself by saying 'I'll honey your biscuit.' Must NOT say something so wrong!" In fact, I tried so hard NOT to say it that all I could sputter out was "Oh yeah? Well...I...your...you shut up and stop trolling me right now!"

I will never live this down. I got trolled and tried so hard not to be trolled that I did a nose dive right into it.

[SylenT]

[quote name='Puss in Boots' timestamp='1359129955' post='7381']
Back on Monday, my 17 year daughter had a friend over and they were studying together for a final as this week was finals week for the high school. Said friend has made mention to my daughter before that she thinks I'm hot (this is relevant later.) Said friend stays over for dinner. One of the sides were delicious biscuits. I likes me some honey wit mah biscuits! So I'm drizzling honey on it and my 17 year old goes "Wow Andy, honey that biscuit!" and she was giving me a troll face. she did this because my stupid fast quip when the kids are being dumb is "I'll (BLANK) your (BLANK)."

I stopped, looked at her and thought to myself "she wants me to embarrass myself by saying 'I'll honey your biscuit.' Must NOT say something so wrong!" In fact, I tried so hard NOT to say it that all I could sputter out was "Oh yeah? Well...I...your...you shut up and stop trolling me right now!"

I will never live this down. I got trolled and tried so hard not to be trolled that I did a nose dive right into it.
[/quote]

LOL thats great!

[Mr K1tty]

is she hot? cause if she is i'd honey her... damnit you got me too

[Puss in Boots]

[quote name='Mr K1tty' timestamp='1359147369' post='7401']
is she hot?[/quote]

Who is the "she" you are referring to? My daughter or her friend?

I think my daughter is beautiful but I'm biased being her step-dad and all. Any dad that loves their daughters sees them as beautiful.