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Every Day at Work for Me


Puss in Boots
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OH MAN I just spent 5 minutes laughing so hard I was crying. I think God put geese on this earth just for the purpose of angering some of us and giving the rest of us entertainment like this.

 

I didn't take the actual picture I posted. My work building is built on marsh land and has a resevoir to drain all the water into when it rains hard. So the geese love it and come every January/February to mate and nest. They are currently fighting each other over where they will eventually nest in our parking islands.

 

Last week Thursday I was really tired so at lunch time I went out to my car to take a nap. Within 5 minutes I was woken up to extremely loud honking. I look out my window and see alpha males sparring each other. After the fight was done, the men separated back to their women and started trash talking each other from like 50 feet away. I rolled my window down and yelled at them to shut up...as if that would work.

 

Then last week Friday when I was leaving work one of the idiot males was hanging out right next to my car. I successfully got in the car without him making a move but he started chasing my car as I backed up. I stopped, rolled my passenger window down (which he was right up against) and said "Son, I will WRECK YOU with this 2 ton vehicle. Get off me!" and honked at him before driving off as he hissed at me.

 

Geese are jerks. And if you hurt them, you get a $5,000 fine. Whatever.

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Okay so funny story that came out of a not funny story yesterday.

 

I know I've mentioned to people that 2 weeks ago on 3/8 I had surgery on my nose to fix my deviated septum. My recovery was ahead of schedule and all of last week and this week I was back at work with no problems. Randomly yesterday afternoon around 3:30 I felt a "pop" in my nose and I smelled blood. Went to the bathroom and it turned from a trickle into a geyser. And I couldn't stop it. I ended up having to call HR to get an ambulance that took me to the hospital. Lost about 100-200cc's of blood in 10 minutes.

 

Get taken to the nearest hospital which was so ghetto. The bleeding stopped on its own and it took 1 1/2 hours to be seen by a doctor who reminded me more of a Harlem Globetrotter than a doctor in his behavior and knowledge of being a doctor (not being racist, the guy was tall as hell). Meanwhile I got to listen to an old woman scream when she got a cathedar installed and another deranged guy yell like he was Bill Cosby. My wife and 17 year old daughter came.

 

After being discharged we went back to my work to pick up my car and drive home. So of course the dumb geese were there. One of the females was nesting against the building and her mate was grazing at the top of the reservoir on the other side of the parking lot. When he saw us he started walking towards us. My daughter, being a genius, started walking towards it and was like "Awww, hi goosey!" I was like "Emma, what the hell are you doing? What...no...STAHP!" and it ran at her, jumped and flew at her face. I quickly responded with what came natural - a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick that landed on the beast's belly. It flew back and landed on the ground and I told my wife and daughter to just go towards the door. The goose hissed at me and ran at me and I put up my arms like it was doing and hissed back and ran at it. After it ran away from me, I stopped and walked away. The little whore decided to chase me again not once, not twice, but FOUR times so I chased and screamed at him to get him away from us - all so I could get my COAT from my office and go home. When we came back out from getting my coat, the male goose was with his mate and just stared at us as we walked by.

 

I didn't get home until 9pm last night. Good times.

 

The funniest part is that not a single detail above was embellished. I'm still giving my daughter crap for that stupidity.

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I'm 29, wife is almost 43 but I've always been an "old soul" so to speak. I have 4 kids. They are my stepchildren technically as I'm her second husband. First guy cheated and ran out on the family. He's still in the picture and has visitation, but all 4 consider me their dad and call me as such to others. I love 'em like my own and treat them as such. :)

 

And yes, I do realize the oddity in being closer in age to my oldest child than to my wife by 1 year. HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE! :P There's a picture of my family posted on Page 3 of the Face to the Name topic in General Discussion.

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I'm 29, wife is almost 43 but I've always been an "old soul" so to speak. I have 4 kids. They are my stepchildren technically as I'm her second husband. First guy cheated and ran out on the family. He's still in the picture and has visitation, but all 4 consider me their dad and call me as such to others. I love 'em like my own and treat them as such. :)

 

And yes, I do realize the oddity in being closer in age to my oldest child than to my wife by 1 year. HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE! :P There's a picture of my family posted on Page 3 of the Face to the Name topic in General Discussion.

You're an amazing man Puss. Giving those kids a good father. :)

 

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